The Difficult Second Album

Documentary centred around the popular band "Nam and the Nam-ettes" and the making of their second album.

(In my best documentary voice-over voice)
"Nam and the Nam-ettes" recently achieved success with their first album, "Point Change", an album full of TV theme tunes and parodies, fused with a new wave techno sound. This was both a critical and commercial success with the album selling into the tens, and The Guardian's infamous one worded review of "Para-don't!". This culminated in a worldwide tour, and a film adaptation of the story thus far with Kevin Spacey playing the role of Nam.

We take an exclusive look behind the scenes as the band tries to make their follow up album "The HMMs...", as they try to recreate the magic and success of the first. It is the Difficult Second Album.

Tensions arise between the bandmates due to their artistic differences, the controversy surrounding the song "The Loose Seal", and the general unimpressed looks of the band's new collaborators and producers on their new sound.

One thing's for certain; more cowbell is definitely needed.

The Misadventures of Nam & R.O.B: The Engagement

In this misadventure....

Nam notices that R.O.B. frequently disappears at night time without giving any warning and becomes intrigued by the side life R.O.B. may be leading (Ed: like being a cheese dealer?!).

One night, Nam plucks up the courage and decides to trail R.O.B incognito. After getting into a spot of bother as R.O.B.'s trail leads Nam through a popular dogging spot, Nam spots R.O.B. intimately embracing the following being...

Naturally, R.O.B. being one step ahead of Nam (both literally and mentally), has been fully aware of Nam's action and confronts him and his dogging ways. All ends well as R.O.B. introduces Nam to his secretive girlfriend, Eve. But the news doesn't end there, as R.O.B. also announces that he has recently become engaged to Eve and consequently leaves Nam stunned.

Cliffhanger! How will Nam cope without the awkward silences (Ed: So that would be actual noise?) and returning back to his old bachelor lifestyle?

The Misadventures of R.O.B and Nam: The Silence

In this misadventure, silence will fall....

(Ed: That's enough of the sinister tone for now. Plus this tagline was in no inspired by this.)

Set in real time, this adventure focuses on an ordinary Autumn evening as Nam attempts to make enlightening conversation with R.O.B, but ultimately fails. Witness Nam's numerous body language postures and facial expressions as he tries to convese with R.O.B., and deals with the awkwardness of the whole situation.

During this evening, they'll also give a performance of the Silent Dance as they gracefully dance around each
other in the kitchen, being concious not to get in each others ways and not uttering a single word to each other.

Finally, the silence is broken at the end of the episode as Nam utters these ridiculous words just to get some attention from R.O.B.....

Frequa-Bayes!

A new musical comedy featuring the hit songs from the Bayesian Songbook.

Frequa-Bayes! is a 60s inspired American high school comedy featuring Marty and Lurlene, two budding rival Statisticians. One is a Frequentist, the other a Bayesian and rarely do they see eye to eye (or Pi-to-Pi).

But one day, in the projection room above the auditorium, a mischievous CompSci student casts a role reversal spell, causing Marty and Lurlene to switch places.

Hiliarity ensues as Marty and Lurlene try coping in each other places, trying to present Statistical concepts in which they don't believe in.

As time progresses, Marty and Lurlene grow to appreciate each other and their research, and then proceed to track down the culprit and reverse the spell.

All ends well in the world of Frequa-Bayes! as Marty  and Lurlene become high-school sweethearts, become proud parents to Emp Bayes, and subsequently don't fulfil their true Statistical potential.

The Misadventures of Nam & R.O.B: The Desk

In this episode of misadventure...

The work and cheese-aholic R.O.B. is in desperate need of a desk for his room at Nam's bachelor pad in order to continue his world domination plans via Gouda cheese fever.

If by magic, a perfectly good office desk appears in Nam's lab and is about to be thrown out. Eager to kill two birds with one stone and fulfil a desk's dream, Nam and R.O.B. decide to steal the desk from the University's nose.

The episode parodies Mission Impossible (or Mission Improbable if you will) as they (un)stealthily steal the sacred desk at night. In addition the episode pertains Chucklevision-esque moments as they foolishly try to transport the desk back to the pad...by foot...and encountering a grumpy troll at Canley Trains Station bridge.

To me to you indeed.

The Misadventures of R.O.B & Nam, Episode I: The Genesis

Sick and tired of his loneliness and general mundaneness in life, Nam decides to take necessary action to find a companion to keep him company in his bachelor loft. Whilst scouring the landscape of Ebay. he comes across R.O.B, a robotic operating buddy. Nam hastily orders R.O.B. and within minutes of its arrival, frantically assembles his new purchase (montage scene here, with several failed attempts at first).

By the end of the episode, Nam thinks he's finally assembled R.O.B correctly and presses the all important power button. R.O.B.'s red eyes light up and sharply turns to Nam. The camera cuts back to Nam as he slowly smiles at his small accomplishment and what the adventures that lie ahead. He knows that the box package doesn't lie; R.O.B. will indeed help him tackle some of life's toughest (video) challenges.

The Misadventures of R.O.B and Nam

From 1/\pi of the writers of the "mildly successfully comedy" "Freeman" comes a new sitcom about one man and his lonely life. 

Coming soon, this windy autumn.

Fu-Ho Fo Sho

Having failed his PhD (no doubt due to his appalling programming etiquette and general Statistical knowledge), Nam decides to turn to the art of documentary making.

His first subject conquest is in the world of male prostitution and Nam interviews subjects and victims in a Theroux-esque, concentrating on the ghettos of Richmond. Having researched, interviewed and collated enough information to write a Wikipedia article, Nam decides to become a gigolo himself.

Will he be a ho fo sho?

The Snorter

New psychological thriller starring Nam, as he commits a most heinous crime.

Nam was a ideal PhD candidate; hard working, sociable, thoughtful to others. He was perfectly content with his PhD officemates. That was until the PhD species arrived...

Amongst the species is a PhD student who appears to have a particularly bad habit; he snorts at his desk. He snorts when he has a cold, he snorts when he eats, he snorts when he drinks. This irks Nam greatly, until one day, he can't take the snorting anymore and Nam murders the Snorter accidentally.

Join Nam as he attempts to cover up the crime and act like nothing has happened. Will he get away with it? And why can he still hear the snorting in his own head?

Bob Watch gets a Fringe!

One off episode where Nam experiences and reviews his first Fringe!

Such highlights include Schlomo (the human Beatboxer), Dave Gorman, Ruby Wax and general utter madness!

Woody The Woodpecker

Children's animation series involving a woodpecker living in Hong Kong.

Woody, is a metal woodpecker who lives in a traffic lamp post in Mong Kok. He controls the traffic and pedestrians in Mong Kok and is bored of its utter mundaneness. He dreams of becoming a real woodpecker and exploring the islands.

One night, a magical Chinese beggar grants him his wish (partly) and Woody becomes a real woodpecker at night and is free to explore beyond his traffic lamp post. Woody soon discovers Guido the Otter and Sab the Cat and the trio encounter many adventures across the Hong Kong islands.
    

The Insensitive Apprentice

In this weeks episode of The Insensitive Apprentice...

Lord Spice sets a task around the lucrative funeral industry. The two teams must first choose two foreign cultures and learn about funeral arrangements. Next they must sell these funeral arrangements to the mass market, making the necessary preparations.

The team that makes the most revenue wins. And from the losing team, one of them will get sensitised. 

Who da Nam?!

"Feel-good" comedy film featuring Nam as he goes on journey and discovers his "brother from a different mother", Nom.

Nom is a streetwise kid from The Bronx and break dances for a living. Nam is a socially awkward Statistics nerd and blogs about imaginary scenarios in his spare time. Identical twins, separated at birth, leading quite different lives. But can Nam & Nom live each others lives and convince those around them that nothing's happened?

[The film culminates in Nam partaking in a dance-off having been trained by renowned hip hopper, Aston Martin, whilst Nom gives a keynote talk at a Statistics conference.]

A tale of self-discovery, slapstick humour and general stupidity. But who is da Nam?!

Code boy code!

An American roadtrip comedy film featuring Jackton, Nam's supervisor, from the "hit" sitcom, Freeman. Also introducing Eccles, Jackton's sidekick.

This comedic film centers around Jackton and Eccles as they roadtrip across America...by computer programming!

Hilarity ensues as their programming skills initially leads them into trouble including trying to beat a Las Vegas casino and trying to recreate Kit from Knightrider.

They'll eventually make it back home but they'll need to Code Boy Code!

Significance magazine rates this film as "unsignificant".

Freeman, Episode lim(Z)=infinity!: Breaking the fourth wall...

In the final ever episode of Freeman...

The department are gearing up for a kitchen extension having not realised it possesses TARDIS-esque properties. Much of the episode is a montage dedicated to the best moments in the kitchen and common room, including when Buster took over the electrical appliances causing much havoc to the caffeine dependent department, and when a misbehaving undergraduate got locked in  the fridge.

As the knocking of the kitchen wall proceeds, Freeman and Nam soon discover that behind this wall lies several people. A whole studio full of people...

Freeman, Episode Y!: Hawaii Five O!

In this episode of Freeman, the Statistics department go to Hawaii for the annual RSS conference!

Whilst there, Freeman and Nam encounter their doppleganger from a rival university named, Richman and Viet.

Plus, Nam has a conference romance with a budding poker player and Stormbridge gets into a fight with some dolphins.

It's all happening in an all new episode of Freeman!

Freeman, Episode Y: Jumping the shark...

In an all new series of Freeman,

Freeman and Nam welcome the newest addition to the department; Buster, the departmental computing cluster. But Buster has a secret; it can talk!

Freeman and Nam soon discover Buster's secret and the trio embark on several amusing high jinks throughout the series such as the trio go ice skating, and the trio try tracing Buster's mother, Lucille!

Freeman, Episode exp(X): The Honeymoon's Over

In this episode of Freeman, Freeman runs a relationship counselling session at the University for troubled PhD supervisor-supervisee relationships thinking that there is a niche market for it.

Amongst his first clients is somewhat surprisingly Nam and his supervisor, Jackton. Despite their seemingly calm and efficient working relationship, it seems that they're suffering some relationship issues.

Hiliarity ensues as Nam opens up about his unhappiness of the relationship ("It seems that I do all the hard research and you gallivant around the world with your collaborators and other PhD students  ", "We never talked about what happened with you and Richard ...", ) and as Freeman tries to resolve some of these problems with amusing solutions.

Freeman, Episode X!: Only Connect 4

In this episode of Freeman...

Nam, Freeman and Stormbridge (another fellow PhD student in the department) appear on the hit BBC4 quiz show, "Only Connect 4", under the team name "The Muffin Tops". With Stormbridge's extensive general knowledge, Freeman's abstract quick thinking and Nam's knowledge on all things trashy, The Muffin Tops are set for a stellar performance.

Hilarity ensues as Nam is struck down speechless in the presence of the host, Victoria Coren; Stormbridge flirts outrageously with the opposition, "The Sinners", a team of nuns. It's up to Freeman to sort his team out and solve that connecting wall!

"Only Connect 4" host, Victoria Coren, makes a cameo in the this series finale.

Freeman, Episode sqrt(X): Swing Swing Swing

In this episode of Freeman, Nam takes up swing dancing as a hobby and really gets into it.

He gets so enthused by it that he decides to organise a party dedicated to swing dancing, a swingers' party if you will, and decides to invite his department and the local community.

Much hilarity ensues as Nam discovers what he's let himself in for, and what he's subjected his fellow colleagues to.

America's Next Top Modeller

New over the top American based reality TV series, hosted by hip Afro American statistician, Defawn Nosurname.

Each week, American statisticians are put to the test by competing in a variety of modelling tasks under extreme conditions. Week 1 sees the contestants perform a simple linear regression...whilst being held at gunpoint by the Chinese triad.

Performances are then judged by a panel, fronted by notorious British Statistician, Dr Ryan Biley. The contestants are eliminated each week, where they fear the following elimination phrase,

(Insert Contestant's Ridiculous name), I'm afraid we're going to have to reject your null hypothesis.


Statistics doesn't get tougher than this!

Black Scholes

Premiere of the new critically acclaimed psychological thriller film.

Nino is a budding PhD student who dreams of being a highly cited financial mathematician. His supervisor is pleased with his progress and research but believes that to truly understand the models, he must become the models themselves.

As he submerses himself inside the various model, he encounters the famous Black Scholes model. What follows is a PhD story of seduction, drug experimentation and murder.

Freeman, Var(X): Blackout

In this episode of Freeman, the department suffers a power cut with Freeman, Nam and the rest of the PhD students are locked in the department what with all high tech electricity security doors. What starts off as innocent hilarity as the PhD students manage to cope with the lack of internet and Facebook, and the use departmental stationary as DIY tools, soon turns into carnage.

Lord of the Flies parody ensues as each PhD room turns tribal and must fend for themselves. And of course, there's the ongoing fear of the mythical departmental beast....

Freeman, Episode 2X: Addiction

Tonight, on a very special episode of Freeman....

Freeman becomes suspicious of all the extra teaching load that Nam has suddenly committed to. After a tearful heartbreaking interrogation, Freeman finds that Nam has an addiction to the board pens. Cue a hilarious intervention by Freeman and department as they attempt to teach fellow PhD students the wrongs and rights of pen sniffing.

Freeman, Episode X: I'm coming out...

In this episode of Freeman, Nam has a burdening secret which he has been keeping from Freeman and the Statistics department. Concious that he might bring shame onto Freeman's name and the reputation of the department, he feels that the pressure is now too much and he must finally reveal his secret.

Nam must come out as a Frequentist and consequently, stray from the Bayesian pack. Much hilarity in-sues from Freeman and the department's reaction to this news.

And if you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode of Freeman...

...we'll update our posterior as necessary.

What do you do...

... with a PhD in Statistics?

Evidently think up random (both in the Statistical and non-Statistical sense) TV shows and songs based around your Statistics life.

And now displaying my pretty poor songwriting skills...

My Markov Chain
This device was brilliant;
This device was pure;
I assumed 2 states;
Of which I'm not quite sure;
I saw a transition matrix;
With its non-negative entries inside;
It was also square, with row sums equal to one, and no symmetry inside

My Markov Chain; My Markov Chain; Oh Markov Chain what will you do
I saw you move from state 1, to state 2,
Now I don't know what you'll do, cos you're always on the move...

So much potential in talking about it's use in Monte Carlo simulations and Hidden Markov Models...so little time and talent to do so. I think you get the message.

Humour...

...the all important oil for the machine that is life.

As I continue procrastinating and thus planning more about possible TV show ideas (not just Freeman!), I've given some thought about some of the characters on Freeman, a sitcom about PhD life.

Thus far, I've only mentioned our "protagonist", Freeman;  an older male PhD student (between 25-30) who is in the final years of his PhD. Being older and wiser, he provides words of wisdom on Phd-ness to those in the lower years, although occasionally has adult child tendencies. Fulfils the Wisecracker type role, similar to Jerry Seinfield.

But there is a whole cast of main and support and characters that will eventually be introduced. Let me firstly introduce you to the person closest to my heart (literally); Nam.

Nam: a younger male PhD student than Freeman and in the initial stages of his PhD. In some respects, the protégé of Freeman as he lacks confidence, knowledge and experience of the world.  Could be a possible male Liz Lemon, as he likes to sing songs (which is really just singing the name of object/topic to the same tune) about Buster, the departmental cluster, or his supervisor. When he's alone of course.

Much of the humour lies in the relationship between Freeman and Nam, the most apparent being the almost race/culture/maturity reversal between the two. For example, Nam, despite being of Chinese ethnicity, shows no traces of the associated race traits, whilst Freeman, seems to have acquired these traits whilst being Jewish. Nam thus dislikes Freeman's slurping of hot beverages (but secretly finds it comforting as it reminds him of home...).

By the end of the series, when Freeman eventually finishes his PhD, Nam will of course have transformed into a confident person and become the mentor to a similar type of person probably. Might be offered a spin-off although who wants to watch a near identical show to Freeman... If the show however does continue with Nam in Freeman's role, mentoring a urban streetwise kid say, it is clearly a sign that the show has jumped the shark.

Jack of all Trades...

...master of none. I think this phrase is quite apt for me. Perhaps I should have it as my epitaph, although I do like "His surname provided hours of pun-tertainment".

Anyway, on with the show...

I've had more thoughts about how I envisage my "Freeman" sitcom and have got round to what I think the theme tune should be. It should ideally be in the style of a 70s American sitcom (see the Mary Tyler Moore show example below) and warrant a Thematic Theme Tune trope.

The new theme tune needs to include shots of the following:
1) Freeman standing in front of a blackboard doing Statistics, possibly transitioning into a "Eureka/I've got it!" expression.
2) Freeman giving a presentation on some hard Statistics to some old stuffy professors in tweed jackets.
3) Freeman trying to open a door whilst holding two mugs of hot tea.
4) Freeman playing badminton or squash (he's got it all you see...)
5) Freeman having a good time and eat noodles in a noodle bar smiling and laughing.
6) And as per Mary Tyler Moore, it should definitely end with Freeman throwing up some successfully submitted papers (possibly even his completed thesis but this might hurt) into the air, whilst he looks up in amazement and the shot then freezes on.

You see Freeman, despite all his trials and tribulations, will make it after all.

FREEEMANNNN!

To be said in a comical sitcom like fashion by a stubborn, grumpy older male character (think Superintendent Chalmers from the Simpsons when he shouts at Principal SKIIIIIINEEER) which goes straight into freeze frame and the credits then roll. The catchy theme tune also plays.


And that is how I envisage the "Freeman" sitcom to be. Well the ending at least; I just need to right an actual storyline.


Thanks G Freeman for making me laugh over the last few months. You'll be missed in the PhD Office and any dinner parties I might hold.

And they say TV isn't good for you

It is a well known fact amongst most of my friends that I watch a lot of TV. In fact, I watch a lot of obscure (crap) TV. It is thus unsurprising that a lot of my knowledge has come from the world of TV. The latest interesting fact is Mathematics related and is from The Big Bang Theory.

Apparently the number 73 is the best and most beautiful number. It is the 21st prime number, of which the mirror of 73, 37, is the 12th prime number. 21 can be represented by the product of the two primes 7 and 3. The binary of 73 is 1001001 which is a palindrome. And herein lies some of the beauty of Mathematics and the world we live in.

I just wish they presented some of my research topics in comedy sitcoms and that I had slightly more interest in my work at the moment.

Happy No Year

So I've decided I needed to blog regularly as a New Years' Resolution, mainly for my own sanity of course.  It seems unfair to any readers out there, that the majority of posts (bar the American Adventure ones) have all featured me being depressed, useless, and complaining about life and work.

So I intend on blogging more frequently about anything, and not just when I want to use as venting wall to complain about my  life and work.

So I intended on going to bed earlier so that I could get a good nights sleep and be fairly eager to get into work tomorrow. Of course it hasn't turned out that way (it never does) but on the plus, I have just sent an e-mail that will hopefully mean a better life for me in 2011.

I've been slightly more stressed about life at this time of year, to the extent that it seemed to affect my eczema quite badly. Realising that I need to sort this mess out, I've planned to cut out one of the roots of the stress.

So I have just e-mailed the person on that I was working with on a side project as to whether I could abandon working on it. If we abandon the project, then it's a win for me with hopefully less to worry about. If we continue to work on the project because the recent work I've done is beneficial, then that's also a win. So, I've someone how managed to create a win-win situation I think.

If only I wasn't worrying that I've given up on something I've worked on for the last year and a half, or what the e-mail person now perceives of me...